The illusion of control and the avoidance of responsibility
Control is an interesting concept to elaborate on. We often want to “use it” in parts and areas of our life that aren’t really our business or are out of the scope of our influence – such as controlling how others react and respond to us, controlling how something plays out once it’s out of our hands, controlling circumstances out of our influence etc. Taking on too much responsibility for things that aren’t our responsibility.
On the other hand, we avoid control (= which is a synonym for responsibility) in the areas of our lives where “control” could be applied. The control that concerns *our* part in this co-creation of events/circumstances/scenarios.
- Although I cannot control your reaction to me or what I say, I can “control” (i.e. take responsibility) for my reaction to your reaction, if I’m able to take responsibility for my emotions.
- Although I cannot control what happens to that document/message once it’s been sent or published, I can make sure I have done the best that I can, and take full responsibility for my actions, words, creations and consequences.
- Although I cannot control if that person wants to be with me, is going to reject or cheat on me, I can work on being a person I, myself, would want to be with, taking responsibility for myself and the personality traits I exhibit. The “good” and the “bad”.
The essence of this message is, you can only do your part which is 50%.
But do your 50% with 100% conviction, devotion, commitment and responsibility over your part, and your need to control will vanish because you realise, there is nothing to control, only responsibility to be taken for yourself.
